Once again in the saga of trying to get a damn bachelors degree my arch nemesis shows up and derails me. This time I thought I had the problem whipped into submission but the rotten bastard got a second wind.
Drats! I've been foiled again!
I thought this go round of trying to complete my degree was going to go smoothly. I knew it would be rough, as it's not easy to study while being the referee in the kid's grudge matches. But this time was going to be different. When I met with an advisor before classes began I was so relieved when I was told I didn't have to take college algebra. I could take Statistics(which I can't pronounce for shit) or math for liberal arts. I almost did a happy dance in the middle of the office. Woo hoo!! I was finally going to accomplish a goal I made many, many, MANY years ago.
Then today came the dreaded phone call. I called my advisor to discuss classes for the spring semester and she hit me with a freaking one-two punch. I will have to take algebra because the D I fought so hard to get at my previous school will not count toward my general education requirement. I will have to take algebra to even get into the class that will count. Here's the kick in the nuts. I worked hard for that D. I struggled, I cried, I was tutored and a D was my reward. I was so proud to pass and have that class behind me I would have stuck my paper on the fridge with a magnet. It was also the third time I had taken it and I thought third time's a charm. To be told it doesn't count hits where it hurts. There is a reason I'm a writer and not a damn mathematician. Now, the second punch.
I'm an online student at a university an hour and a half away. When I decided to go back to school I researched all my options and carefully chose what I thought was the best option for me. Being told I didn't have to take algebra was the icing on the cake. But I found out I won't be able to take all my classes online. Say what now??? Apparently there was a misunderstanding and my thought I could do everything online was wrong. So, here is where I stand so far. I have to retake a class that makes me so damn anxious I'm surprised I don't break out in hives, and I'm over an hour away from campus. What in the hell am I supposed to do???
I checked my options around here before I enrolled and didn't find what I was looking for. I feel like everything I have done up to this point has been for nothing. All the time I've spent studying when my kids wanted me to be with them, all the nights I've lost sleep and looked like hammered shit the next day, the money I've invested has all been for nothing. I even quit roller derby to go back to school. Finishing my education was a huge deciding factor in my quitting something I loved and had a strong desire to kick ass in. What now? I feel like I'm missing something by not having my degree. I know I don't need one for my career choice, but it never hurts to have it.
I'm really at a loss. I feel defeated and would love if God would drop me a sign as to what I should do. (Pssst!! Are you listening???) This may not seem like a huge deal to some people, but when you've tried so hard for so long, it hurts when it comes around and bites you in the ass. :(
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