This is my absolute favorite time of the year. I am a holiday geek and October, November and December bring us the holiday trifecta. Halloween is a week away and I'm getting excited. I love taking my kids Trick or Treating(and later raiding their candy bags), I adore seeing little kids in their costumes (so damn cute) and the best part is Halloween brings the first of three months of Charlie Brown specials. Nothing makes my heart sing and my feet do the Snoopy dance like hearing the theme music. I thought about dressing up this year just for shits and giggles. Why not? If I'm disguised well enough I can take my own bag seeing that my 5th grader is just as tall as I am. Don't judge me.
So, we went to Halloween Express to find Natty's costume. For the 4th year in a row she insisted she wanted to be a gothic cheerleader until we get into the store and something different catches her eye. The child is distracted by all things shiny and sparkly and instead of being "Cheerless" she is now going to be Cleopatra. I knew an all black, non shiny outfit couldn't compete with the fabulousness of an Egyptian queen. Once we got her squared away I thought it would be fun to see what I might find for me.
Oh. My. God.
First off, October isn't a hot month so my costume will need a bit more material than what I saw in the store. I freeze pretty easily and I would be afraid to shiver too much for fear the girls would fall out. Second, the words "sexy", "naughty", "wicked", and "hot" are not words I would use to describe myself so I really can't see me wearing an outfit with those words in the title. I know it's Halloween and the point of dressing up is to be someone you're not, but it would take a freaking magician for me to be able to pull that off. Also, the sizes on these things say "fits up to size 12-14, model is 5'7 and weighs 115 lbs." Bitch please. There is no way in hell that costume would fit my 5'2, size 12, none of your damn business what the scale says body and look like the model. My version of reality is not that skewed. My original plan was to be Velma from Scooby Doo because I can totally relate to the nerdy vibe, or Hit Girl from Kick Ass because I already know I look good with purple hair. Didn't find a Hit Girl and the "non sexy" Velma costume only came in kid sizes. But fear not! I will not be defeated.
Fuck this. Be Yoda, I will.
No comments:
Post a Comment