Once again in the saga of trying to get a damn bachelors degree my arch nemesis shows up and derails me. This time I thought I had the problem whipped into submission but the rotten bastard got a second wind.
Drats! I've been foiled again!
I thought this go round of trying to complete my degree was going to go smoothly. I knew it would be rough, as it's not easy to study while being the referee in the kid's grudge matches. But this time was going to be different. When I met with an advisor before classes began I was so relieved when I was told I didn't have to take college algebra. I could take Statistics(which I can't pronounce for shit) or math for liberal arts. I almost did a happy dance in the middle of the office. Woo hoo!! I was finally going to accomplish a goal I made many, many, MANY years ago.
Then today came the dreaded phone call. I called my advisor to discuss classes for the spring semester and she hit me with a freaking one-two punch. I will have to take algebra because the D I fought so hard to get at my previous school will not count toward my general education requirement. I will have to take algebra to even get into the class that will count. Here's the kick in the nuts. I worked hard for that D. I struggled, I cried, I was tutored and a D was my reward. I was so proud to pass and have that class behind me I would have stuck my paper on the fridge with a magnet. It was also the third time I had taken it and I thought third time's a charm. To be told it doesn't count hits where it hurts. There is a reason I'm a writer and not a damn mathematician. Now, the second punch.
I'm an online student at a university an hour and a half away. When I decided to go back to school I researched all my options and carefully chose what I thought was the best option for me. Being told I didn't have to take algebra was the icing on the cake. But I found out I won't be able to take all my classes online. Say what now??? Apparently there was a misunderstanding and my thought I could do everything online was wrong. So, here is where I stand so far. I have to retake a class that makes me so damn anxious I'm surprised I don't break out in hives, and I'm over an hour away from campus. What in the hell am I supposed to do???
I checked my options around here before I enrolled and didn't find what I was looking for. I feel like everything I have done up to this point has been for nothing. All the time I've spent studying when my kids wanted me to be with them, all the nights I've lost sleep and looked like hammered shit the next day, the money I've invested has all been for nothing. I even quit roller derby to go back to school. Finishing my education was a huge deciding factor in my quitting something I loved and had a strong desire to kick ass in. What now? I feel like I'm missing something by not having my degree. I know I don't need one for my career choice, but it never hurts to have it.
I'm really at a loss. I feel defeated and would love if God would drop me a sign as to what I should do. (Pssst!! Are you listening???) This may not seem like a huge deal to some people, but when you've tried so hard for so long, it hurts when it comes around and bites you in the ass. :(
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Showing posts with label college. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 8, 2013
Monday, September 2, 2013
Dear 18 Year Old Me
As I sat at my kitchen table tonight, trying hard to concentrate on my Geology assignment( I seriously hate this class already. I don't care about fucking rocks!!), something occurred to me.
If I hadn't been a total moron when I was 18 I would have been finished with college long ago!! So I thought I'd write a letter to myself at 18 and jot down all the things I have learned since then.
Dear 18 Year Old Me,
I know you think it is a good idea not to start college right away. You've just spent a good chunk of your life in school and the last thing you want to do is go back to studying, homework and tests. You're such a dumbass right now that no one can tell you that taking a year off and working at Winn Dixie is the worst idea in the world. You've got a car (an 83 Dodge Aries, yeah, be jealous), you've found the love of your life, and you'll definitely start school in the spring. You totally deserve to take time off from the 4 years of stress that was high school. (facepalm!!) How could this plan fail???
Guess what? It failed royally. When you have the chance to go to school, while living at home, working part time, no real bills to pay and Mom is still cooking and doing your laundry for you, YOU TAKE THAT CHANCE AND RUN WITH IT, DIPSHIT!! That chance will never come your way again. Yes it is true that college will always be there, blah, blah, blah. But it will be there with additional responsibilities that weren't there before. It is hard as hell to work full time, raise 2 kids, keep up with housework and have time to chill out when you're an adult student. Excuse me, a "non traditional student" is what you're called now. Yes, you're still with Ryan (you did good there :) ), and yes, he is a huge help and supports you in what is now your 3rd or 4th attempt at finishing your bachelors degree. (really, you should be a damn doctor by now) But that doesn't make it any easier when it's 10 pm and you know you still need to read 2 more chapters, pack lunches for tomorrow so you can sleep in an extra 15 minutes in the morning and if you're lucky, not fall face first into your Geology book because you're exhausted.
Take my advice. Don't be so stubborn. Start school in the fall of 1996. Study what makes you happy, not what you think other people want you to do. Broadcasting was your original plan, stick with the plan. If you take this advice chances are you will have a career that you love. You won't fall into random jobs that you loathe. Seriously, you suck at math, how in the world did you ever fall into a job at a bank?? And don't get me started on what you're doing now. Cubicle hell is the only way to describe it. The monotony of it drives you bat shit crazy on a daily basis. And the reason for this is it is not what you've always wanted to do with your life. All the time you're spending studying right now could have been time that you were reading "Bossypants" by Tina Fey for the 1000th time, watching reruns of your favorite shows while you anxiously wait for the new seasons to start, or most important of all, you could have been enjoying time with your family.
Sincerely,
35 Year Old You
If I hadn't been a total moron when I was 18 I would have been finished with college long ago!! So I thought I'd write a letter to myself at 18 and jot down all the things I have learned since then.
Dear 18 Year Old Me,
I know you think it is a good idea not to start college right away. You've just spent a good chunk of your life in school and the last thing you want to do is go back to studying, homework and tests. You're such a dumbass right now that no one can tell you that taking a year off and working at Winn Dixie is the worst idea in the world. You've got a car (an 83 Dodge Aries, yeah, be jealous), you've found the love of your life, and you'll definitely start school in the spring. You totally deserve to take time off from the 4 years of stress that was high school. (facepalm!!) How could this plan fail???
Guess what? It failed royally. When you have the chance to go to school, while living at home, working part time, no real bills to pay and Mom is still cooking and doing your laundry for you, YOU TAKE THAT CHANCE AND RUN WITH IT, DIPSHIT!! That chance will never come your way again. Yes it is true that college will always be there, blah, blah, blah. But it will be there with additional responsibilities that weren't there before. It is hard as hell to work full time, raise 2 kids, keep up with housework and have time to chill out when you're an adult student. Excuse me, a "non traditional student" is what you're called now. Yes, you're still with Ryan (you did good there :) ), and yes, he is a huge help and supports you in what is now your 3rd or 4th attempt at finishing your bachelors degree. (really, you should be a damn doctor by now) But that doesn't make it any easier when it's 10 pm and you know you still need to read 2 more chapters, pack lunches for tomorrow so you can sleep in an extra 15 minutes in the morning and if you're lucky, not fall face first into your Geology book because you're exhausted.
Take my advice. Don't be so stubborn. Start school in the fall of 1996. Study what makes you happy, not what you think other people want you to do. Broadcasting was your original plan, stick with the plan. If you take this advice chances are you will have a career that you love. You won't fall into random jobs that you loathe. Seriously, you suck at math, how in the world did you ever fall into a job at a bank?? And don't get me started on what you're doing now. Cubicle hell is the only way to describe it. The monotony of it drives you bat shit crazy on a daily basis. And the reason for this is it is not what you've always wanted to do with your life. All the time you're spending studying right now could have been time that you were reading "Bossypants" by Tina Fey for the 1000th time, watching reruns of your favorite shows while you anxiously wait for the new seasons to start, or most important of all, you could have been enjoying time with your family.
Sincerely,
35 Year Old You
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