Today was Halloween which means the first of my beloved Charlie Brown specials was on. Call me sentimental, a sap, or even pathetic, but I love me some Peanuts. Our usual routine is watching The Great Pumpkin after trick or treating is over, but this year the begging for candy has to wait until November 1st due to severe weather. To quote Joshua " That's not going to work. Halloween is October 31st, don't they know this is killing the Halloween vibe???" Anyway, because of the delay there was no hurrying home to change into jammies and hoping the DVR was set to record. At 8:00 we were in pjs, snuggled up on the couch with a huge bowl of popcorn. I was blissfully happy.
Then I got a little sad.
How many more years are they going to want to do this with me? Ever since they were babies I would get cozy in the recliner with them and watch whatever holiday cartoon was on. I loved it when they were little enough that the three of us could sit in the chair together, one on each side of me. It was the best feeling. They don't remember those times, but I'll never forget them. I figure I still have at least three years of them not fighting or refusing to watch with me. Maybe if I'm lucky I'll get to have them watch with me through middle school when they think everything on earth is lame, especially their parents. When they decide they have better things to do than watch uber lame and really old cartoons with their mom, I hope they will remember what a special time it was for us and how I loved sharing with them something I loved from my childhood.
Then I hope they drag their asses home, make some popcorn, and join me on the couch.
Thursday, October 31, 2013
Monday, October 28, 2013
For My Baby Sister-Now Leave Me Alone!!
This blog is being written with one purpose: to get my baby sister to stop begging me to write about her. I feel like it would only be fair to make my next blog about my other dear little sis, Stephanie, however she would more than likely kick my ass and her devious mind scares me. So, Casey Leigh, this is for you.
In my mind you will always be three years old. That is how old you were when we met and you will never be anything but the adorable little melon head with the killer ponytail. We didn't have the typical sister relationship when you were growing up but I think it worked out to our advantage. Had we lived together we wouldn't have gotten along as well as we did and I probably would have thought you were annoying. ;)
I know you think I mother you at times, but shit, I'm 13 years older than you!! We've never been able to relate to each other on the same level. I had the Smurfs, you had Rugrats. I had New Kids on the Block, you had Backstreet Boys. When you were growing up those 13 years made a huge difference and my sisterly advice came out more like mom nagging. But it was always intended with love and out of concern for you.
So here's my sisterly advice for you. NO MORE GUYS WHO WEAR SKINNY JEANS!!! For real. The last one was an asshat and you can do so much better. He was cuter than some of the other guys you've dated, but looks don't mean shit when you have the personality of a used bottle of Summer's Eve. You have your heart set on being a cop. Does it thrill me? Fuck no it doesn't! You're 3 years old!! But if that's what you want don't let anyone talk you out of it. Unless you hit the lottery you're gonna have to work for the majority of your adult life so you might as well do what makes you happy. Last of all stop caring so much about what other people think. Life is so much better when you march to your own beat and don't give a rat's ass about who doesn't like it. Once you're happy with yourself everything else will fall into place.
In conclusion when you're 80 and I'm 93 you will still be my baby sister and I will still give my opinion whether you want it or not. Now, for the love of God stop whining! Here's your blog post, so smile and be happy I wrote a nice one. Love you always melon head. :)
In my mind you will always be three years old. That is how old you were when we met and you will never be anything but the adorable little melon head with the killer ponytail. We didn't have the typical sister relationship when you were growing up but I think it worked out to our advantage. Had we lived together we wouldn't have gotten along as well as we did and I probably would have thought you were annoying. ;)
I know you think I mother you at times, but shit, I'm 13 years older than you!! We've never been able to relate to each other on the same level. I had the Smurfs, you had Rugrats. I had New Kids on the Block, you had Backstreet Boys. When you were growing up those 13 years made a huge difference and my sisterly advice came out more like mom nagging. But it was always intended with love and out of concern for you.
So here's my sisterly advice for you. NO MORE GUYS WHO WEAR SKINNY JEANS!!! For real. The last one was an asshat and you can do so much better. He was cuter than some of the other guys you've dated, but looks don't mean shit when you have the personality of a used bottle of Summer's Eve. You have your heart set on being a cop. Does it thrill me? Fuck no it doesn't! You're 3 years old!! But if that's what you want don't let anyone talk you out of it. Unless you hit the lottery you're gonna have to work for the majority of your adult life so you might as well do what makes you happy. Last of all stop caring so much about what other people think. Life is so much better when you march to your own beat and don't give a rat's ass about who doesn't like it. Once you're happy with yourself everything else will fall into place.
In conclusion when you're 80 and I'm 93 you will still be my baby sister and I will still give my opinion whether you want it or not. Now, for the love of God stop whining! Here's your blog post, so smile and be happy I wrote a nice one. Love you always melon head. :)
Sunday, October 27, 2013
Sometimes Less Really is More
I'm rarely at a loss for words. Words are kind of my thing. Writing, talking, singing(badly) etc, I usually have an answer, a witty or snarky remark, a movie quote or song lyric on the tip of my tongue ready to be fired off. So tonight needs to be marked in the history books.
I can talk about Autism and Autism awareness at length. My current goal is to write a children's book about the subject. You can imagine how shocked I was when asked by a question by an 8 year old that I was stumped. Literally stumped.
Natalie had a friend over, someone who comes over quite a bit and is a really great kid. Joshua was across the street at his friend's house and the girls and I were hanging out in the living room. They were playing Just Dance 3 and I was lying on the couch trying not to make it obvious I was dozing off. Then the little girl asked "Why does Joshua always talk about Minecraft? Why does he always want to show me what he's built? I told him I don't like Minecraft. Why does he cry if he can't play it?"
My brain was about to short circuit trying to figure out the best way to answer her. Do I go into a long, drawn out explanation about how Autism is a neurological disorder? Do I tell her that Joshua has obsessions that become all he talks about, thinks about, wants to play, and if he can't do those things he can't explain his frustration without an outburst? Do I throw out words like spectrum, Asperger's, high functioning or meltdowns? If I can't explain this to her, how in the world am I going to write a book about it??
"Do you know what Autism is?" I asked her. She shook her head no so I went on. "Well, it means Joshua does things a little differently than other people. He loves Minecraft and doesn't understand why others don't love it as much as he does. To him it is the only thing to talk about and nothing else matters." She still just looked at me. I went on and on for a few minutes about how even though he does and sees things differently than her and other kids, he is still very much like them. How different doesn't mean bad or weird.
She looked at me, thoughtfully. " So it's in his brain? Ok." And with that she went back to dancing and I went back to breathing.
A few minutes later Joshua walked through the door. "Hey, do you want to see the log ride I built in Minecraft?" he asked her. "It's like a water roller coaster!!"
She just smiled and said sure. I wish everyone in the world was as easy going about it as she was. That will only happen if we can talk about it.
I can talk about Autism and Autism awareness at length. My current goal is to write a children's book about the subject. You can imagine how shocked I was when asked by a question by an 8 year old that I was stumped. Literally stumped.
Natalie had a friend over, someone who comes over quite a bit and is a really great kid. Joshua was across the street at his friend's house and the girls and I were hanging out in the living room. They were playing Just Dance 3 and I was lying on the couch trying not to make it obvious I was dozing off. Then the little girl asked "Why does Joshua always talk about Minecraft? Why does he always want to show me what he's built? I told him I don't like Minecraft. Why does he cry if he can't play it?"
My brain was about to short circuit trying to figure out the best way to answer her. Do I go into a long, drawn out explanation about how Autism is a neurological disorder? Do I tell her that Joshua has obsessions that become all he talks about, thinks about, wants to play, and if he can't do those things he can't explain his frustration without an outburst? Do I throw out words like spectrum, Asperger's, high functioning or meltdowns? If I can't explain this to her, how in the world am I going to write a book about it??
"Do you know what Autism is?" I asked her. She shook her head no so I went on. "Well, it means Joshua does things a little differently than other people. He loves Minecraft and doesn't understand why others don't love it as much as he does. To him it is the only thing to talk about and nothing else matters." She still just looked at me. I went on and on for a few minutes about how even though he does and sees things differently than her and other kids, he is still very much like them. How different doesn't mean bad or weird.
She looked at me, thoughtfully. " So it's in his brain? Ok." And with that she went back to dancing and I went back to breathing.
A few minutes later Joshua walked through the door. "Hey, do you want to see the log ride I built in Minecraft?" he asked her. "It's like a water roller coaster!!"
She just smiled and said sure. I wish everyone in the world was as easy going about it as she was. That will only happen if we can talk about it.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
I'm Inappropriate. Who Knew??
I got scolded yesterday on Facebook. Scolded like a two year old throwing a temper tantrum. Apparently I am inappropriate and need to keep the content on my own personal page clean because children can read what I post. To that I have one thing to say.
Not my problem.
Here's my beef with the issue. The person who scolded me allows her children to read her Facebook. The post she had a problem with was a picture I shared of the oh so hot Norman Reedus in which he was wearing an apron that said "Fuck". That was it. I understand not everyone likes or uses that word but I still didn't feel as if this was the worst thing I could ever share. She left a comment that said "Girl. Keep it clean. My children read this." The thing is, I was under the impression I was friends with her on Facebook, not her children. I am not friends with kids online because I know I can be inappropriate. I do not appreciate being told to keep my page clean because of the decision she makes to let her kids read what adults are posting.
I am not taking issue with how she is raising her children. There are a lot things I shelter my kids from because I don't think they are old enough to be exposed to them. I monitor what they watch on TV, the things they look up online and the video games they play. There are some words I use in front of them that I don't think are too bad (ass, hell, damn) and there are the F bombs and such that I do not say in their presence. I'm not saying I never slip and say them. When I slammed my finger in the bathroom door and broke it the first word out of my mouth was a big, healthy "FUCK!!!". But my everyday dialogue is not straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie by any means.
I deleted her comment because looking at it made smoke come out my ears. After a few minutes of deciding what to say I sent her a private message. Private, because I do not like trying to publicly shame people. ( I do not consider this to be "shaming" her because unlike Facebook the only name on here is mine.) I told her I was sorry if my post offended her, but I am not friends with children on Facebook because I do not censor what I say. If she wanted to unfriend me I completely understood and would not take offense because I could not promise that I would not offend her in the future.
She unfriended me and truth be told, I was a little offended. Mainly because the only response I got was a swift unfriending. I would have at least given a "Hey, I see where you're coming from but this is what I need to do". If we had been having a conversation in person and her children were present, I have enough common sense to know what to say and what not to say. I do understand boundaries for Pete's sake.
My point is if you don't like what I write, by all means don't read it. I'm not going to second guess everything I say or do because one person might not like it or agree with me. If you don't want your children exposed to certain things, shield them from those things. That is your right as a parent and I have no problem with that. Just don't tell expect other people to change who they are because you don't approve.
Not my problem.
Here's my beef with the issue. The person who scolded me allows her children to read her Facebook. The post she had a problem with was a picture I shared of the oh so hot Norman Reedus in which he was wearing an apron that said "Fuck". That was it. I understand not everyone likes or uses that word but I still didn't feel as if this was the worst thing I could ever share. She left a comment that said "Girl. Keep it clean. My children read this." The thing is, I was under the impression I was friends with her on Facebook, not her children. I am not friends with kids online because I know I can be inappropriate. I do not appreciate being told to keep my page clean because of the decision she makes to let her kids read what adults are posting.
I am not taking issue with how she is raising her children. There are a lot things I shelter my kids from because I don't think they are old enough to be exposed to them. I monitor what they watch on TV, the things they look up online and the video games they play. There are some words I use in front of them that I don't think are too bad (ass, hell, damn) and there are the F bombs and such that I do not say in their presence. I'm not saying I never slip and say them. When I slammed my finger in the bathroom door and broke it the first word out of my mouth was a big, healthy "FUCK!!!". But my everyday dialogue is not straight out of a Quentin Tarantino movie by any means.
I deleted her comment because looking at it made smoke come out my ears. After a few minutes of deciding what to say I sent her a private message. Private, because I do not like trying to publicly shame people. ( I do not consider this to be "shaming" her because unlike Facebook the only name on here is mine.) I told her I was sorry if my post offended her, but I am not friends with children on Facebook because I do not censor what I say. If she wanted to unfriend me I completely understood and would not take offense because I could not promise that I would not offend her in the future.
She unfriended me and truth be told, I was a little offended. Mainly because the only response I got was a swift unfriending. I would have at least given a "Hey, I see where you're coming from but this is what I need to do". If we had been having a conversation in person and her children were present, I have enough common sense to know what to say and what not to say. I do understand boundaries for Pete's sake.
My point is if you don't like what I write, by all means don't read it. I'm not going to second guess everything I say or do because one person might not like it or agree with me. If you don't want your children exposed to certain things, shield them from those things. That is your right as a parent and I have no problem with that. Just don't tell expect other people to change who they are because you don't approve.
Thursday, October 24, 2013
Confessions of a Control Freak-READ IT NOW!
I'm ready to make a confession. It is something I have been told for years but tonight it bitch slapped me in the face. So here goes. I, Heather Elizabeth Glaros, am a control freak.
I'm not sure when it happened. I was never a particularly bossy person, if anything I was the person who would get bossed around. I can tell you one thing. When you notice the ugly side of yourself, it sucks. I mean it sucks big, nasty donkey balls. It's embarrassing to think that for some reason I felt like if I didn't bellow out the orders no one would know what to do. Clearly I wasn't giving people enough credit.
When the realization hit me I had two images pop into my mind. The first was me as a jackass complete with the ears and a tail. That is exactly what I felt like. The other was me as Veruca Salt, the spoiled, bossy little witch from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The image of me stomping my feet and demanding "I want a golden goose and I want it now" made me want to crawl in a hole and die. That's not who I am and is certainly not how I want to be thought of.
From now on I will try harder to loosen the choke hold I have on everything. If something doesn't get done when I think it needs to be done, no biggie. If, for example, clothes aren't folded the way I would fold them, I will not refold them. They will be fine just the way they are. If there are 14 pairs of socks laying in the floor, I will not unleash the beast and demand they be immediately picked up. Ok, I'll probably ask nicely that they be put in the hamper, but I won't turn into Mommie Dearest. There is no reason for me to believe I am the almighty and powerful and the only person who can get things done.
The best way to prove you have no control, is to get spastic and try to prove how much you do.
I'm not sure when it happened. I was never a particularly bossy person, if anything I was the person who would get bossed around. I can tell you one thing. When you notice the ugly side of yourself, it sucks. I mean it sucks big, nasty donkey balls. It's embarrassing to think that for some reason I felt like if I didn't bellow out the orders no one would know what to do. Clearly I wasn't giving people enough credit.
When the realization hit me I had two images pop into my mind. The first was me as a jackass complete with the ears and a tail. That is exactly what I felt like. The other was me as Veruca Salt, the spoiled, bossy little witch from Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. The image of me stomping my feet and demanding "I want a golden goose and I want it now" made me want to crawl in a hole and die. That's not who I am and is certainly not how I want to be thought of.
From now on I will try harder to loosen the choke hold I have on everything. If something doesn't get done when I think it needs to be done, no biggie. If, for example, clothes aren't folded the way I would fold them, I will not refold them. They will be fine just the way they are. If there are 14 pairs of socks laying in the floor, I will not unleash the beast and demand they be immediately picked up. Ok, I'll probably ask nicely that they be put in the hamper, but I won't turn into Mommie Dearest. There is no reason for me to believe I am the almighty and powerful and the only person who can get things done.
The best way to prove you have no control, is to get spastic and try to prove how much you do.
Monday, October 21, 2013
Tales of a Holiday Geek-Chapter 1
This is my absolute favorite time of the year. I am a holiday geek and October, November and December bring us the holiday trifecta. Halloween is a week away and I'm getting excited. I love taking my kids Trick or Treating(and later raiding their candy bags), I adore seeing little kids in their costumes (so damn cute) and the best part is Halloween brings the first of three months of Charlie Brown specials. Nothing makes my heart sing and my feet do the Snoopy dance like hearing the theme music. I thought about dressing up this year just for shits and giggles. Why not? If I'm disguised well enough I can take my own bag seeing that my 5th grader is just as tall as I am. Don't judge me.
So, we went to Halloween Express to find Natty's costume. For the 4th year in a row she insisted she wanted to be a gothic cheerleader until we get into the store and something different catches her eye. The child is distracted by all things shiny and sparkly and instead of being "Cheerless" she is now going to be Cleopatra. I knew an all black, non shiny outfit couldn't compete with the fabulousness of an Egyptian queen. Once we got her squared away I thought it would be fun to see what I might find for me.
Oh. My. God.
First off, October isn't a hot month so my costume will need a bit more material than what I saw in the store. I freeze pretty easily and I would be afraid to shiver too much for fear the girls would fall out. Second, the words "sexy", "naughty", "wicked", and "hot" are not words I would use to describe myself so I really can't see me wearing an outfit with those words in the title. I know it's Halloween and the point of dressing up is to be someone you're not, but it would take a freaking magician for me to be able to pull that off. Also, the sizes on these things say "fits up to size 12-14, model is 5'7 and weighs 115 lbs." Bitch please. There is no way in hell that costume would fit my 5'2, size 12, none of your damn business what the scale says body and look like the model. My version of reality is not that skewed. My original plan was to be Velma from Scooby Doo because I can totally relate to the nerdy vibe, or Hit Girl from Kick Ass because I already know I look good with purple hair. Didn't find a Hit Girl and the "non sexy" Velma costume only came in kid sizes. But fear not! I will not be defeated.
Fuck this. Be Yoda, I will.
So, we went to Halloween Express to find Natty's costume. For the 4th year in a row she insisted she wanted to be a gothic cheerleader until we get into the store and something different catches her eye. The child is distracted by all things shiny and sparkly and instead of being "Cheerless" she is now going to be Cleopatra. I knew an all black, non shiny outfit couldn't compete with the fabulousness of an Egyptian queen. Once we got her squared away I thought it would be fun to see what I might find for me.
Oh. My. God.
First off, October isn't a hot month so my costume will need a bit more material than what I saw in the store. I freeze pretty easily and I would be afraid to shiver too much for fear the girls would fall out. Second, the words "sexy", "naughty", "wicked", and "hot" are not words I would use to describe myself so I really can't see me wearing an outfit with those words in the title. I know it's Halloween and the point of dressing up is to be someone you're not, but it would take a freaking magician for me to be able to pull that off. Also, the sizes on these things say "fits up to size 12-14, model is 5'7 and weighs 115 lbs." Bitch please. There is no way in hell that costume would fit my 5'2, size 12, none of your damn business what the scale says body and look like the model. My version of reality is not that skewed. My original plan was to be Velma from Scooby Doo because I can totally relate to the nerdy vibe, or Hit Girl from Kick Ass because I already know I look good with purple hair. Didn't find a Hit Girl and the "non sexy" Velma costume only came in kid sizes. But fear not! I will not be defeated.
Fuck this. Be Yoda, I will.
Friday, October 18, 2013
Hedda the Grouch
I'm feeling kind of blah right now. No real reason, just feeling kind of blah and in a pissy mood. I don't like being in a bad mood so I thought maybe I would feel better to make a list of all things that irritate the hell out of me. Maybe it will help me get the grumps out of my system.
1. Morning people. It is not natural to jump out of bed when the alarm goes off the first time and be all "oh what a beautiful morning! I am so happy to leave my warm and cozy bed!" How do they do that? Really, I want to know.
2. Possums. Ok, they don't irritate me as much as they scare me, but there is no real reason for them! They're creepy, they hiss and almost made me piss my pants once when one crawled out from under my car. They're useless and I hate them.
3. Toothpaste in the sink. That's just gross. I don't want to wipe up any one else's spit, I don't care how closely related I am to them.
4. People who cook fish in the microwave at work. Seriously, the office does not have a good enough ventilation system for that kind of fuckery.
5. People who park so close you have to get in your car through the passenger side. Thanks a lot douche nozzle. If I had known you were going to do that I would have left the window down so I could at least feel a little cool and climb in Duke boy style instead of awkwardly falling across the front seat!
6.Food samples being handed out in the mall. Thank you, but I don't want to try the bourbon chicken that you're shoving in everyone's face and getting their germs all over. I don't need a side of the flu with my chicken. I'm good.
7. This one really grates my last nerve. "They're", "their", and "there" are 3 different words that have 3 different meanings. For the love of God please use them correctly. Also, you do not "conversate" you have a conversation!!
8. The Geico hump day commercial. I think I'm the only person who hates it, but I don't give a rat's ass!! That thing is horrible and my family loves it! UGH!!!!
I do feel a little better now. Doing this makes me realize that my list of things that make me smile is much, much longer and for that I am happy.
1. Morning people. It is not natural to jump out of bed when the alarm goes off the first time and be all "oh what a beautiful morning! I am so happy to leave my warm and cozy bed!" How do they do that? Really, I want to know.
2. Possums. Ok, they don't irritate me as much as they scare me, but there is no real reason for them! They're creepy, they hiss and almost made me piss my pants once when one crawled out from under my car. They're useless and I hate them.
3. Toothpaste in the sink. That's just gross. I don't want to wipe up any one else's spit, I don't care how closely related I am to them.
4. People who cook fish in the microwave at work. Seriously, the office does not have a good enough ventilation system for that kind of fuckery.
5. People who park so close you have to get in your car through the passenger side. Thanks a lot douche nozzle. If I had known you were going to do that I would have left the window down so I could at least feel a little cool and climb in Duke boy style instead of awkwardly falling across the front seat!
6.Food samples being handed out in the mall. Thank you, but I don't want to try the bourbon chicken that you're shoving in everyone's face and getting their germs all over. I don't need a side of the flu with my chicken. I'm good.
7. This one really grates my last nerve. "They're", "their", and "there" are 3 different words that have 3 different meanings. For the love of God please use them correctly. Also, you do not "conversate" you have a conversation!!
8. The Geico hump day commercial. I think I'm the only person who hates it, but I don't give a rat's ass!! That thing is horrible and my family loves it! UGH!!!!
I do feel a little better now. Doing this makes me realize that my list of things that make me smile is much, much longer and for that I am happy.
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