My kid is on a roll when it comes to knocking my self esteem. One day after telling me I have "soccer mom" hair he tells me that he thinks I disapprove of fun. I'm a "fun killer". I was so shocked I was speechless! That almost never happens! Me, not fun?! I can't lie, it hurt my feelings. If I'm a fun killer what will I be called next? Will my husband call me a boner shrinker? Not that he would, but fun killer was the kid equivalent.
I don't think he meant it the way it sounded. The truth of the matter is I'm the more serious parent and Ryan is the fun one. While Ryan will body slam the kids on the bed, I'm the one screaming "watch their necks!" If they play outside I'm constantly looking out the window to see what they're doing. They scream with delight when Ryan drives on country roads and speeds down a hill so they get the drop feeling in their tummies. I, on the other hand, hang onto the oh shit handles for dear life and pray that I don't throw up all over the car. But I don't think those things make me un-fun.
I know I need to lighten up. I'm really trying. I have OCD and anxiety disorder, trying to lighten up is easier said than done. When my kids are grown I want them to look back and say they had fun with their mom. I might have to close my eyes, double up on meds and bubble wrap them in order to do it, but I'll do what needs to be done.
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