99.99%

99.99% of the time I wonder if I am doing enough to help Joshua. The whole medication issue has been a giant pain in the ass and I hate that in order to find what works he has to first be subjected to all the things that don't. The last few days have been kind of rough and as I watched my boy struggle I have felt more helpless than ever.

Today, however, he was in an amazing mood. Smiling, joking, laughing, full of affection. I loved every minute of it and could not have thought of a way to have made it more perfect. 

We went to Olive Garden for Natalie's birthday dinner, (I have no idea why that was her pick being that the last two times we've been there she ordered chicken fingers and fries, but anyhoo. Her birthday, her choice) and Joshua was still cutting up and being a goober. And when I say he was being a goober I mean that in the best way possible. That kid has a sense of humor like no other. 

Now, I don't remember how we got on the subject, who brought it up or any other insignificant details, but the words that my baby boy said are not just etched in my memory, they're burned into my heart. 

Joshua: Mom, did you and Dad buy me at the awesome store? Because I am AWESOME!

Me: yes, you are awesome. 

Joshua: and I was an awesome deal because I came with Aspergers! 

Of course I couldn't see my own expression when he said this, but I saw Ryan's and I'm sure it looked the same as mine. Shock. Pride. The funny look you get when you're trying really hard not to cry and instead look like you're constipated. Not a pretty picture to give but you know what I mean. 

Joshua said that with such confidence that I felt like my heart was going to burst. He OWNED it. For the first time ever it felt like he wasn't going to let his diagnosis get him down. He was strong, and tough, and ready to kick Aspergers in the ass because it was not going to kick his first. 

And for the first time, I felt 100% certain that we had done something right.